Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Sad News

I have been grappling with how to even begin to address this precarious issue, and I have prayed for wisdom and discernment as to the words to utilize, and I have asked the Lord for courage and boldness as I face the realities of what the news means to my family and others.

Admittedly, there is a part of me that does not even want to write this post, but while painful, I know it is the right thing to do. It is wrong to keep our mouths shut when we know of something wrong.

We have recently learned that the adoption agency that we used for our first adoption, of Mayah, has been indicted for "Conspiracy to Defraud the United States in Connection with Ethiopian Adoptions." Full Story Here

Obviously, we are fraught with a plethora of emotions. What does this mean regarding our adoption?

We were not shocked that there was corruption in some adoptions, as we are not ignorant enough to believe that it does not exist. However, we honestly thought that we would avoid the corruption with adopting an "older waiting child." We did not go into the adoption process blind; we went in with eyes wide open. Yes, we were excited and reliant on the Lord to preserve the integrity of our adoption, but we also were on the look out for red flags. When we used IAG, they had the proper ratings and licensure. Nevertheless, in light of this new information, we are concerned with the circumstances that surrounded our first adoption.

Now, we do not know if our adoption through IAG was ethical or not; however, we have contacted the State Department to look further into our case. However, there are hundreds of other families that are probably doing the same thing. We have also contacted a searcher to investigate it further; he is in Ethiopia and has already begun to research our case to verify the paperwork or uncover the truth. It will probably be some time before we know anything further, but please pray that the truth would be revealed.

Our adoption has been finalized. They will not take our daughter back, but we need to know if she really does have a family member back in Ethiopia or if there was anything unethical about her adoption. If she has a living relative, we need to be in contact with them. I don't know what that would look like. I don't know how it will all work out, but we are just taking the next step and trusting that the Lord is going to give us all the strength to get through this, and that somehow He will work it all out for good,...somehow.

Why does this happen? Because we live in a fallen world. It is dark here, and there is sin everywhere. Because greed is a powerful thing and evil is rampant. We are in need of a Savior!

Yes, we are sad. We are broken. We are sick over it.

How can we be "called" to adopt, and believe we are following the Lord's calling on our lives, and end up potentially participating in an unethical adoption? The short answer, I don't know.

I have read a great deal of information regarding all of this online, and one specific blog post stands out in my mind (sorry, I can't remember where I found it), but it talked about the story of Joseph in the Bible. There were some pretty evil emotions, motives, and circumstances that surrounded him going to Egypt; however, a magnificent, omniscient God allowed them to happen, and used those things for good. I am not saying that it is okay to do the wrong thing if it ends well, I am not saying that at all. I am merely pointing out that God can still use evil for good, and I trust that He will.

God is sovereign, and I know that He knew all this would happen. We sought His guidance and sought to be obedient to His word.

There is a part of me that questioned "Why Lord?" But, quite perfectly in His timing, we are studying Job in our Sunday School, and God's providence in my ladies Esther Bible study. And, why not us? I know that I do not get to know all the answers to why.

Like, why is there evil in the world? I do not know.

Unfortunately, I fear that this news will just affirm the suspicions and hesitations of families to adopt for fear of unethical adoptions which saddens me because there are still there are so many children that do need families. There are good, ethical organizations working ethically and morally. There are no guarantees in adoption (or in most things), but I pray that the truth will be revealed. I pray that all those involved with corruption and unethical practices would be discovered and stopped.

This news has nothing to do with the adoption we are in the process of now. The adoption agency we are using currently is on the accredited list from the State Department (to view accredited agencies). We have seen the videos and pictures from our child's shelter, and we know that it is completely honest and ethical. 

Sunday, February 9, 2014

"Are You Ready?"

Many people have expressed concern about whether or not we are ready for how our life is about to change. How are we going to meet everyone's needs? How are we going to school everyone? How are we going to have time as a couple or time for ourselves?

What about sibling rivalry? What about bonding? Regression of behaviors? What about kids thinking things are fair or not fair? 

Well…we are as ready as we can be. We have prepared their rooms and their closets. We have prepared our classroom and school supplies. We continue to pray for God to prepare our hearts and theirs for this transition and for God to bless it and give us all peace.

As far as all your worries…I have all those worries on my brain too. For anyone that doesn't know me well, I self-analyize CONSTANTLY and I see my flaws GLARING at me in the mirror…all my failures…I am SO insufficient….

But, I have to remind myself…to have faith. To trust in the Lord as His strength is made perfect in my weakness. 

I KNOW I will fall short, and I admit it to my kids and ask their forgiveness often. Thank God for His mercy and grace. One of the many things I have learned is that with so much going on and so many children, I NEVER get to feel like I have it all together. Instead, I am constantly on my knees and in prayer asking God for His help to get through each day. Praying for Him to give me wisdom as to how to lead my children and how to juggle it all. And, rather than seeing that as exhausting, I actually find some relief in knowing that I can't do it all…counting it a blessing that I am always reliant on the Lord for my strength and for peace….because the reality is that all good things come from the Lord. 

I also know that no matter what I say or do…even if my responses are "perfect" (which I know they aren't)…still, even if they were…that doesn't mean that the other person (my child or my husband) will hear them and receive them perfectly…because we are ALL flawed. Even if everything was completely fair (which in life there is no such thing) but even if it was….that doesn't mean that every child would view it as fair…because they all have different perspectives. Look how differently siblings remember their childhood…yet they were both there at the same time in the same situation!

When in life is anything ever really "fair?" That's why in our home, we define "fair" as everyone getting what they need. And some people need different things because God made each of us different. 

I have released myself from the expectation or even the desire to be perfect…(it has been a process and goes against my Type A personality…but God is working on me…and has given me LOTS of lessons on pride)….but I realize that if I was perfect then I wouldn't need my Savior, but I do. I need Jesus…I'm doing the best I can, but I need His help…I am admitting where I fall short and asking forgiveness. I try each day to be a better person than I was the day before..the process of sanctification…praying that God will be the center for our family…that He would be present in my heart and in the hearts of my husband and children…that grace will abound and mercy will be freely given…that we would love one another unconditionally…despite our flaws and inadequacies. 

Regarding time with each child, that is definitely a challenge with so many children. Even with six children, we have to be deliberate with spending time with each child. Thankfully, I home school which allows more time at home with the kids. But, let's be honest less kids or more time doesn't necessarily ensure that quality time is being spent with a child. 

We try to split the kids up and do different things. For example, this past weekend, Dustin took the boys to Buffalo Wild Wings for a boys night out which was the same night that Fasika had a sleepover with her girl friends, and I took Mayah and Audriana to watch "Frozen" in the theater for a special date. Now, that was a special night for each child. Most times, it is not so elaborate, but that doesn't mean that it isn't quality time. Perhaps Dustin will go fishing with some of the older kids while I make cookies with the younger kids. Or, I play a board game with the older kids while Dustin plays Uno with the younger ones....etc. You get the point.

Sometimes its working together. Dustin having one of the kids help him work on the car or the tractor or even holding tools while he mends a fence. These moments can be times of great conversations between a father and son.  Making dinner or dessert with mom is another thing we do on rotation where one of the kids gets to help make dinner. All our kids love to help with that, and they are learning how to cook while enjoying time with just mommy! In addition, there are times when a child just needs some extra attention, and we have to be astute to that as well.

We also have the kids run errands on rotation. While going to get groceries with mom or the feed store with dad all by yourself may not sound like a fun time, our kids really enjoy time with just mom or just dad to talk without any interruptions. And, it provides us with an opportunity to really listen to them and engage them in deep conversations. Of course, we also like to let them pick out a special treat or their favorite cereal too.

As for time with my husband, we have to be creative (even now). Sometimes, the kids will watch a movie, and we will sit in the "coffee shop" we set up in our house and have an "in house" date. The kids buddy up to help each other so that they don't have to interrupt our date unless there is an emergency. A couple times, we even had dinner in the schoolhouse as a date while the kids had their meal in the house. We need to make time for each other, and that doesn't always mean leaving the house and/or spending money!  On occasion, we do have my in-laws come over to help with the kids for us to go on a "go out" date which is a very special treat.

I too need alone time…albeit not as much as some people, but that just goes back to how God made each of us different. I like to get up early and have coffee and Bible time…and when I don't have it…I find myself having to consciously make the choice to not be resentful…because this is where the Lord has put me…and for me to be ungrateful or complaining would be wrong. I am to do all things joyfully without complaining (that's scriptural). I am to be thankful in all circumstances (that's scriptural). When a child wakes up before I have had my time..I know that for some reason that has happened…because God works all things for the good of those who love the Lord….maybe that child needed that time with me more than I needed alone time? Maybe that child could be a part of my prayer time?

I like to run. That is a good way for me to reenergize, and the endorphins do me good. I also stay up late at night when the kids are in bed to have alone time. I also have a Bible study I get to do with just the ladies. And, did you know I won this package at Christmas time to have 2 services at I Am Day Spa every month for the whole year! YEAH pamper me! (I had never even been to a spa before). See! That's God providing the pampering and relaxation before I even need it!

"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Philippines 4:6-7

All that being said, I would be lying if I didn't admit that we are anxious and excited. We are relying on His grace, and we thank you for your prayers. 

Saturday, February 8, 2014

Show Some Love



I don't know about you, but the month of February always makes me think of love. I think of all those people whom I love and who love me, but, ultimately, I think of how our awesome Father in heaven loves us infinitely and unconditionally. How He loves us so much that He sent His only Son to die for us even while we were still sinners. Now, that is love! 

God calls us to love one another, and we have some great family friends, the Townsend family, that are such a beautiful example of Christ's love. For those that don't know, their family has been called to full-time mission work in Guatemala, and they are moving their family of 8 there for 2 years to work with the people there. They will be working on building homes, providing water systems, and most importantly sharing the gospel! 


So many of you have already shown Christ's love to the Townsend's mission by praying for them, fundraising, and supporting them financially; and, we are so thankful to each one of you for all your support!

Now, we want to show YOU some love, you who are the supporters of the Townsend's family mission, because each one of you are so instrumental in their mission. They would not be able to go to Guatemala and share the love of Christ there without your love and support! God is working through each one of you! We want to thank you!  

So, for this next week of February we are going to give away two $25 GIFT CARDS to Walmart to supporters of the Townsend's mission. 

There are 2 easy ways to get entered to win:

1. Commit to taking an envelope for the Townsend's mission envelope fundraiser (from 2/8-2/13 midnight) 
(Feel free to team up with a friend or small group, you don't have to come up with the full amount all by yourself; in fact, we recommend that you get others involved in this amazing mission). Numbers still available: 37-39, 41-43, 46-49, 51-52, 54, 56-59, 61-62, 65-68, 70-74, 76, 78-79, 81-85, 87, 89, 91-92, 94-97, 105-114, 116-127, 129-143, 145-197

And- Or

2. Share the Envelope fundraiser with your friends and family on your Facebook page and/or blog (from 2/8-2/13 midnight) 200 Envelopes for Guatemala Facebook Event (make sure to write on the event wall that you have shared it to get entered)

That means, even if you have already taken an envelope, or you cannot afford to take one, you can still be entered to win by sharing about their fundraiser this next week. This is a great way to get the word out and let others know about this wonderful family and their amazing mission!

(If you don't have facebook, please email the Townsend's to let them know if you have shared their event this week: townsendguat@gmail.com

We will draw 2 winners at noon on Valentine's day!

You have a week to get the word out! Share, share, share!

Can you help "show some love" to the Townsend's and their mission?

God tells us to, "...love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:34-35).

"So let each one give as he purposes in his heart, not grudgingly or of necessity; for God loves a cheerful giver." 2 Corinthians 9:7