Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Court Date & Little Miracles

We have our court date....Jan 25th! SO EXCITED to go and meet my children.

Especially with it being Christmas, we were worried about where we would come up with the cost of the plane ticket. As I have said before, we are still short on funds for our adoption (about $18,000 short).

God answered the question about funds for a plane ticket with a little miracle.

Dustin travels quite frequently with his job, and he was able to use all his frequent flyer miles to purchase my ticket to Ethiopia (for a small fee). This truly is a miracle because, as you may know, when you use frequent flyer miles to purchase a ticket there are black out dates; however, we were able to get the ticket for 4 days that cover the court date (the adoption agency recommends a 2-4 day stay). Praise the Lord!

I will be arriving in Ethiopia the 22nd of January, and spending 4 whole days with my two newest children!

I have trouble sleeping at night because I keep thinking of what it will be like to meet them both for the first time.

Obviously I will want to embrace them with hugs. Will they hug me back? Will they cry? I know I will. I am crying just trying to imagine their response.

How will we communicate with each other? What will they think of me? Surely they will be nervous and a little scared. Will they like me?

What can we do without language? What kind of things will they like? Will they open up to me?

I think of when we met Mariya. I was so nervous and excited. It was different than when giving birth because although there is the same anticipation and excitment, an infant does not have a past.

An infant does not have hurts, complex emotions, expectations, and fears.

No, adoption of older children is much different.

Last time though, I had Dustin with me. I wish that Dustin could come with me in January. I wish that we could share that special moment together with our children: the experience, the journey, and the bonding; but, we just can't afford the additional plane ticket.

I will leave Ethiopia the evening of Jan 26th to return home (without my children). They will not be able to come home until after their embassy appointment (which will be approximately 8 weeks after our court date).

I cannot imagine having to leave my children after meeting them, holding them, hugging them,....then, to send them back to the orphanage and fly home without them. I cannot even fathom the sorrow, the emptiness, the guilt I will feel leaving them.

Worse than that though, I cannot imagine the hurt and confusion they will have. "Why is my new mother leaving me?" "Did I do something wrong?" "When will she come back?" "Will she come back?"

Hopefully, being that they are a little older, they will know that this is part of the process, and they will understand. I will pray for that, and I ask that you too pray for their understanding and peace.

More than likely, it will just be me traveling alone to bring both of them home when we get our embassy appointment too in an effort to avoid the expense of another plane ticket.

On a positive note, Dustin has already had an opportunity to meet F when he was in Ethiopia in September, but Dustin wont meet M until he comes home (maybe April or May).

While it is sad, we try not to focus on that; we know that it is a means to an end, and we will be together forever when they come home.

While I will be there alone this time, I know God will be with me and through His Grace we will be blessed.

Just over a month left until I meet my children! Prayers please. Prayers for preparation of hearts and minds, prayers for peace in all the change and new circumstances, prayers for bonding and transitions,...prayers.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippines 4:6-7)

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