Thursday, October 29, 2009

Only the beginning....

Now that we are moving forward with this adoption, the reality that my daughter is waiting for me floods me with emotions.

I am excited and ecstatic about having another daughter! I cannot wait to meet her, to hug her and hold her close, and tell her how much I love her.

I worry that she will have trouble adjusting to us and all the changes.

I am sad that she will be leaving all that she knows and losing her language, but I am happy that she will be a part of our family!

I wonder what her personality will be like. Will she be strong-willed? Will she be a joker? Will she be a picky eater? Will she be stubborn?

But, I think it is the worst at night-time for me, when my other children are sound asleep, comfortable in their beds, and I am met with silence that my mind quickly fills with questions.

Where is she tonight? Is she cold? Is she alone? Is she hungry or scared? If she wakes up in the middle of the night, is there anyone there to comfort her?

I wish I could read to her at night. I want to rock her and hold her until she falls asleep. I want her to know how special she is and how loved she is, and my heart aches for this child that I have not even yet met; but I know that she is out there because I can feel it.

I see her in my dreams with big dark brown eyes, looking up at me.

I love you....wherever you are. You are in our hearts, you are in our prayers, and mommy and daddy are coming to get you just as soon as we can!

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